amen

tagal ko din tinamad at nagmistulang lurker na lang sa blog world. busy si kiksy sa everyday email at sa mga kung anik-anik na kachorvahan sa fb. nagnilay nilay at pilit na pinaplano ang hinaharap.. biglang naging concerned sa future, na bother sa pwedeng mangyari, at natakot sa mga what if’s. ngunit, datapwat, subalit! patuloy nabubuhay, lumalaban at hindi inaalintana ang kahinaan.

hindi ako relihiyosa pero mas lalong hindi ako atheist. marunong akong magdasal, umaatend ako paminsan ng novena since nung college pa ‘ko, nakakabuo ako ng simbang gabi & tumatakbo ako sa kanya kapag feeling ko hindi ko na kaya. im at peace when i-opened up with him. im grateful meron akong mga friends & i also met certain people na strongly binded sa kanya. but for once, naging shaky ang faith ko. kung pinagdaanan ninyo ang identity crisis, well.. well.. i have my own fair share. nagkaroon ako ng religion crisis emote sa life ko.

i believe in age, height, religion, etc et al doesn’t matter aphorism on love. i fell in love not only once *& you betcha! not only twice (^o^)* with a man who has a different religious view from my own. its maybe because i used to love not only for who they are, i also loved them for whom they’re not. thinking way back, im almost always willing to be on the same faith with them. too bad, i never saw them that they’re all worth it.

its not until today. i felt so relieved that i never had to go once more to another travail with that thingie in my life. i felt so blessed that im now with a man on my same faith. we pray for each other & still continuing to pray for one another. we’re even praying for one thing. woot!

dang, this man made my life a ‘lil easier for me.  im uberly happy for the fact that there is god on the center of our relationship & that makes it oh so smooth savvy. even though my faith has been shaken too many times & counting, im quite certain that this one is an answered prayer. kung dati im used to smiling from ear to ear, ngayon hanggang batok pa! lol ^_^

♫ twenty four seven ♫

Baby it’s no mystery
You’re bringing out the best in me
And though I’ve been in love before
I’ve never had the kind of love that made me feel secure
I never thought that give and take
Mentality was right for me, hmm
You made me open up and see
That it’s for real
And there’s no other place I’d rather be.

I think about you all the time, 24-7 babe
The love I have inside for you
Is more than any words can say
Pray to God on bended knee
We’ll always be together babe
You and me If there’s a high or low
Anything can be babe
I’ll be there for you to pick you up off your feet, yeah
Pray to God on bended knee
We’ll always be together babe
You and me.

When I’m in my nine to five
I smile went across my lips when I
Daydream about the night before
I count the minutes till I’m in your arms once more
My friends they don’t understand, no
In me they see a brand new man
I give you props and tell them that
My shorty’s bout it
She personifies the love she gives.

Oh how I’ve waited for this moment in my life
It’s you that I adore.
Baby with you I am secure
My life is in your hands
And now I understand
What it means to be in love again, oh
Never gonna let u go, oh no..

8 months

this link was also posted on my FB. hindi ko ‘to kinaya pagpasok ko sa jamaican kanina..

sabay kami natulog ni boyplen kagabi, nah were not living together, were just sleeping at the same time -super explain!? but in all honesty ayoko pa matulog kahit super antok na ‘ko. ayoko kasi dumating yung ngayon. but im no superhero. wala akong powers para patigilin ang oras. baka nga kahit hilingin ko yun sa mamang may balbas na nakatira sa loob ng lampara eh hindi niya rin ma-grant ang request ko. & little did i know i already fell asleep. i was awakened by a text msg from bebe ko the next morning. msg alert courtesy of miggy!

ang aga namin nagising in fairness, not the usual time i get up from bed. in between breakfast & shower i felt sad. this was the dreaded day & i so hate it. my knees was trembling while i was waiting for him to pick me up. i mustered enough courage not to cry, lotsa struggles to cover up the sadness i felt inside. we held hands on our way to the airport.

we both agreed that i will just drop him off then i’ll go back home na. iwas dramarama para hindi agaw eksena.  para narin hindi masyado malungkot ang farewell episode. on the way pa lang kinukulet ko na si boyplen pero mukhang ayaw magpakulet. sabi niya, okay na daw na hinatid ko siya. hindi na siya lalabas ulet pagpasok niya sa departure area. parang any monument nga eh susungitan na ‘ko. but i guess, nagpapakulet lang ang bebe ko..  after he checked in his luggage he went back to me.  lahat ng paalala pinaalala niya. sunduin ko daw siya next year. naglolokohan pa nga kami na baka sa conveyor pa kami magkita, arrival siya tas departure naman ako. pupunitin niya daw yung passport ko kapag nagkataon. LOL! hugssies were shared for the nth time after i left & get in the cab.

nahiya ako kay manong driver dahil naiyak na ‘ko ng tuluyan. i decided not to go home muna. nagpahatid na lang ako sa MOA kahit hindi pa mall hours. i was lurking around when he called. pigil iyak, trying to be strong.  nung nag open na yung mall sakto din ng time of flight niya. pumunta ako sa toy kingdom pero walang effect, luksa mode parin ang beauty ko. parang hindi kaya ng powers ko mag malling kaya i decided na umuwi na lang. i buy some sweet stuffs para kahit man lang paano ma boost up yung happiness ko. then i saw jamaican, i used to have good memories sa reggae house na yun. as i went inside, it’s still bimming with old laughters. but hell no, the music on the air waves really sucks! ♫ just dont wanna be lonely ♫ id rather be loved ♫ i managed to enjoy the old ambiance kahit pa pinaiiyak ako ng sounds nila. & double damn it, pati ba naman news sa broadsheet eh related parin sa shipping lines ni boyplen?! hindi ko na talaga kinaya, i decided na mag take out na lang.

after lunch nag txt na si boyplen. super missed call narin ang drama & i came to realized that im starting to miss him ng sobra. ayoko muna pumasok sa room ko kasi sure fire yun, maiiyak talaga ‘ko ng bonggang bongga.. kaya ko ‘to, kakayanin. an old adage said that time flies so fast, hindi ko na mamamalayan birthday ko na ulit. woot woot! \m/

imao

im teary eyed while doing this entry. ang bigat-bigat ng pakiramdam ko pero hindi naman ako maiyak. stoic!

i received a phone call from boyplen. hindi ko man lang nakuhang mag react tapos yung tear duct ko ayaw din makipag cooperate. ganito pala yung feeling kapag unti unting nagsi-sink in sayo ang lahat ng pwedeng mangyari. gustong mong sabihin lahat pero hindi mo mahanap yung tamang salita na magsasabi ng totoo mong nararamdaman. gusto mong tumigil na lang ang oras para huwag na harapin ang mga bagay na ayaw mo. takasan pa nga kung maaari. pero kasama sa pagmamahal ang masaktan kung minsan. may mga bagay sa isang relasyon na dapat day 1 pa lang eh tinatanggap mo na. strong willed o kaya tough love approach dapat. madami akong realization ngayon sa life ko. at thankful ako sa mga nangyari at mangyayari pa sa hinaharap. kung ano man ang pagdaanan namin along the way, ipinapaubaya ko na yun kay bro. looking back, i know kiksy had changed.

ilang oras na lang ang bibilangin ko.. sana pagtulog ko bukas pagkagising ko march na ^_^

please lang

kung alam mo lang sana ang lungkot kapag nawala ang isang tao sayo, sa malamang hindi mo hinayaan na mawala siya. ang kaso, hindi ganun ang katotohanan.

well, well.. karma ang tawag dun. kung nakamamatay ang lungkot malamang double dead ka na ngayon. kahit anong level pa ng sadness ang nararamdaman mo, hindi ko na kasalanan yan. bunga yan marahil ng mga katangahan mo sa buhay. ginusto mo yan kaya wala kang karapatan magreklamo. you always have a choice & may free will na tinatawag sa mundo.

nakakapagod maging bitter & i was happy being better kaya i decided to forgive you. ang masakit lang dun, hindi mo man lang yun ni-recognize; the thought na wala akong naging kasalanan sayo. in god’s time, gaya ng lagi kong sinasabi sayo noon you will find your own happiness. im now happy being at peace & sooo in love. i wish you well too! kaya siguro naman hindi na kalabisan hilingin sayo to let go of me…

word of the day

sosyal

yep as in sosy, burgis, class or high end. hindi ko alam ang totoong definition. malabo at hindi rin deep na salita. confusing kung nega or positive ang dating.

i was talking with my gurlfwend yesterday. she told me na may nagtatanong tungkol saken. ang sabi ni gaga, ah si kiksy? sosyal yun, maselan. finesse kasi pa gurl. nikwento ko yun kay boyplen kanina, kasi yung exie niya ang nagtatanong kay gurlfwend. natatawa na lang ako habang nakikinig sa kaibigan ko & i know why she said that. pareho kaming hard core pagdating sa inuman kaya i know she knows kiksy not the sosy kind. ang sabi ko na lang sa kanya, loko ka talaga, hindi ako sosyal!

sosyal ba ang kumakaen ng isaw? adik sa street foods? nanunuod ng pirated? bumibili ng second hand, isama mo na pati back issue? nabubusog sa turo turo? nakikipag inuman sa kalye? tumitira ng gin bulag? walang auto? hindi nagtatrabaho? ginagawang shopping mall ang divisoria? kumakain ng naka kamay? ratty pambahay ang favorite pantulog? hindi nagpapa pedicure? nagpapalibre?

i know anti social ako kung minsan. gustong i-shut down ang mundo kapag inaatake ng leave me alone drama. pero never ako naging anti sosyal.

madami akong sosyal na friends. & i know for sure in denial din sila sa fact na sosyal sila. ang mga burgis kong friends na kailanman hindi naging pasosyal ay mga totoong tao na nakilala ko.  magrereklamo sa una pero marunong makisama. they dont talk crap behind peoples back. they dont pretend to be someone whom they are not.

walang masama sa pagiging sosyal. as long as wala kang inaagrabyadong tao sa pagiging ikaw mismo. minsan nga lang judgemental ang tao. kapag nakakita ng kabulukan sa iba, type cast kana agad sa mga kauri mo. i feel bad about it. they can’t see the goodness in every person. sarado ang isip o marahil makitid talaga ang utak. kung may sosyal na masama, it doesnt mean masama na lahat. well, a single person cant speak for everybody.

ito ang downside; the pasosyal type! masakit sa mata masyado. feeling ko nga kukulot yung bangs ko sa kanila, the thought pa na wala akong bangs ngayon. LOL! sila yung mga user friendly na super pa-belong type. leeches ika nga. ewan ko ba kung bakit kailangan nila mag panggap? hindi ko maintindihan bakit naglalaway sila masyado sa mga bagay na obviously cant afford nila. materyoso. samantalang naluluma din naman ang mga bagay na ninanais nila. nasisira, nababasag, nalalaos… meron akong boylet dati na sa tuwing magkikita kami eh nagreregalo. yes i appreciate the effort, pero kahit gaano ko pa ka gusto yung mga bagay na binibigay niya, hindi naman ako masaya. walang okasyon pero nagreregalo, sabihin na nating sweet at galante lang siya sadya but his money cant buy love. kahit kunin pa niya ang mana niya ngayon sa magulang niya plus yung kinikita niya, i know for sure he cant  make kiksy happy.

well, the enemy of best is good ika nga. maarte ako. kikay! pero hindi ako sosyal. marunong ako magdala. yun mas maganda pakinggan. hindi rin ako pasosyal pero mukha akong sosyal. effortless kumbaga. *walang basagan ng trip!

kapag nabasa ng isa sa mga fwends ko ang entry na ‘to, babatukan ako nun at sasabihing wtf sosyal ako! sinusumpong ka na naman ng sakit mo.. in denial ka kiks, malala na yan! *hugz* but i love you just the same Ü

sweet hersheys

its official! 10 ♥ hearts ♥ ang verdict kahapon.

we went back to my secret haven somewhere in Greenbelt yesterday. attended mass at sakto ang homily; don’t be afraid, just have faith! akalain mo nga naman at nakikiayon pa talaga ang pagkakataon. parang gusto kong hiritan si father in between lines nung homily kaso pre occupied ako sa pakikipag holding hands sa bebe ko.

change status mode ang assignment ko sa kanya kagabi kaya before mag blog eh im done na with my homework. kanina nga lang din namin nalaman na hindi pala kami magka fwenster, buti na lang were ka-facebook! hehe Ü

happy feeling! na miss ko ‘tong feeling na ‘to. pero reality bites hard. bhe is leaving next week. tentative pa kung mapa aga or ma delay… chief cook churva kasi si boyplen at maglalayag ang barko Europe-Asia daw. birth month ko pa siya babalik kaya ngayon pa lang gusto ko nang maiyak. pero i decided to save the drama. bawal daw umiyak kasi cry baby din daw siya.

i received SMS from him kanina at ang sabi, bhe di ba crush mo ‘ko nung high school? hersheys pa nga tawag mo saken eh! kiksy is so busted, akala ko kasi may alzheimers na siya.. LOL!

maybe he was once special, but he is a lot more special now!

let it be

hayz! yun palang ang kaya ko sabihin sa ngayon. kinakabahan ako sa pwedeng mangyari bukas… but im decided na, day 1 pa lang im pretty much sure of what i really wanted. in some point naging in denial ako sa feelings ko. & maybe thats the reason bakit kung may anong churva in my life na sobra kong kinatatakutan. hell yes, im almost always afraid to fall in love. there are certain issues in my past na naging contributing factor sa phobia ko sa pagmamahal. stupid girl that i am, i can’t help but be silly at times. been broken for the nth time already so i guess, this time im much much more wiser.

even though scared to death ako, its now or never na! how would i know if this one would be a keeper if i wouldnt give him a chance? ~_^

today’s rating: ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

in the middle

two to go & its the day after tomorrow.

today’s verdict: ♥♥♥♥♥♥

signal # 2

as usual, kapag sinabi sa late night news na super maulan kinabukasan sisikat parin si haring araw.

day 2 was spent lurking around the malls in Makati. after running some errands sinama ko si boylet sa 2 secret haven ko. kung saan yun, bluetooth ko na lang Ü certain places can bring back memories talaga. i was reminded that me too deserves to be happy.

bhe: namalengke ako ng menu namin, ako magluto today! marunong ka ba magluto?

mi: hindi eh, kumain marunong ako! wala ako talent diyan.. *binigyan ako dati ng exie ng 3 cook book, ayun ni isang putahe walang nailuto si kiksy ~_^

bhe: that’s why im here, ako magluto palagi.. ano fave food mo?

today’s verdict: ♥♥♥♥♥

pangalawang araw pa lang nagbago na tawag saken ni mokong. hindi na boo, bhe na daw. nairita siguro sa message alert ko na bebe ko kaya ayun si inggitero, kinabog ang miggy version ko ng laida version niya. LOL!